Tuesday, February 21, 2006
...could you come sit next to me tonight...
God could you come sit down next to me tonight? Just for a few moments. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing my best…if I am doing what is asked of me…if I am worthy. I woke up this morning, left a few messages for those who have given me their friendship, went to work, and, damn it, I fought hard. I came home, jumped into a long sleeve shirt and some running shorts, pounded pavement, and, yet, I feel I accomplished nothing today. Strongly, I know, deep down in my gut, life is what we make of it. But today, today, I don't know…I just don't know. Everything from leaving my career and going back to school, to prospect of letting my heart loose into her arms, to making those I love know I love them dearly, I guess tonight in this room with the fan spinning and the faint light of Houston coming through the sliding glass door I just feel a little lost. I hate admitting it, but I cannot hide from the truth. Moreover, I believe we all should embrace the truth no matter how painful, no matter how frightening. So right now, I will hold my fears, loneliness, and apprehension close to my soul. I will own them. I will reflect upon them, because they are all part of me, part of my life, part of my choices. God, when it is my time, please come and sit next to me. You don't have to say anything…just come and sit next to me for a while.
Monday, February 6, 2006
Glimpse of Napkin Diaries
-01 Feb 06-
Welcome to D.C. The Pentagon was incredible this evening. Funny, I just realized I've spent my who life surrounded by man-made marvels...the Panama Canal, Kennedy Space Center, Disney World, Mission Control - Houston but nothing was so inpsiring as D.C. on the flight in. I strangely felt at home in this new alien world. Foreign but at the same time I have always belonged. Is this destiny or just another travel trip in my life? Since the beginning of this journey last Thursday, I have spent a fair amount of time traveling, mostly via airplane. I close my eyes in Houston, open them in Chicago or Philly or Orlando, etc. In the blind of an eye, my known universe transforms into something new and fresh. On this trip, strangely the most constant of all the variables is people. I will take quite a few lessons away from this expedition across the eastern seaboard. Primarily, my influence on people can have drastic and awesomely remarkable effects. Simple smiles or brief, friendly southern conversation, goes a lot further in this world than I ever imagined. From interesting conversation with the 'competition' during med school interviews to James the parking shuttle guy at George Bush airport, to the mom of a future nursing student, I have just had a profound experience. An experience I wouldn't trade for the world. I am on the eve of a life long dream. Tomorrow, I will see the Mall, the memorials, the Smithsonian, the Capitol, the White House...tomorrow I will see Washington. This will be a very personal experience, so I am quite thankful I will do it alone. Not that I am necessarily a private person but rather that somethings in life should be walked alone. My life is about to change. A journey to becoming a physician. A journey close to my heart. Right now, however, I sit here in the lobby / student center and watch and listen. The room is still quite alive although midnight has just struck. I am endowed in the memories of undergrad life. The intensity of youth, the random conversations, text books, and research material. I am the Sargassum fish among the Sargassum...invisible yet watching.* Cheers.*Sargassum grass is a seaweed in which one of nature's wonders find refuge. I used to find the fish while surfing by lifting the free floating plant out of the water...unfortunately and fortunately for the fish...it stays behind. I know, I know it is a little cruel, but I always make sure the fish finds it way back to the plant before I paddle off.
-02 Feb 06-
The Mall. On this bench next to the Vietnam Memorial to my back the Lincoln Memorial, through the naked trees rests Washington's Monument and behind it sits the Capitol building, my eyes have struggled to not tear on so many occasions today...I have lost count. Patriotism is prevalent, not in action but rather in a lack there of. People seem to step softer, talk quieter, because on this swamp, rests the ideals and freedom of not one person, not one people, not one country, but more, mankind. We, Americans have been blessed with a gift to protect not only ourselves but also those who struggle under tryanny, repression, and slavery.
-05 Feb 06-
This morning I packed my two bags and stepped downstairs. Looking to depart on a walk to the train, I found myself greeting by my friend Jennifer, a 3rd year med student and new friend. She would take me to Arlington in lieu of me taking the train. I was gracious and finished a quick note to the occupants of the house I stayed at (a 5 minute walk to Georgetown). At my request, Jen dropped me off at Arlington Cemetery. The day was overcast, average temperature for a Washington, D.C. morning, and teh air was fighting back the humidity of a late night rain and morning dew. After cross-strapping the two carry-on bags over my shoulder. I walked to the cemetery. My field jacket came in quite useful on this walk and for most of my trip to D.C.; its presence was a the result of Boy Scout training and experience...ok, ok mostly just common sense. Without the jacket, my trip would have been quite cold and maybe shorter. The graves were impressive. I looked upon them as I would a starfield...so many questions, so much hope, so much respect. On my way to the Tomb of the Unknown Solder, my prime objective, I visited JFK's grave site. His famous speech engraved across from the grave caught my eye. I was reminded yet again of politics even amongst these soldiers, men of men. I continued my quiet meander. Alas, the structure was right ahead, which was a good thing considering the weight of the packs and time / distance devoted to this endeavor. Foot clicks have never shook my soul so vigorously s they did during the next hour. These men were amazing. Few times have I felt so proud and honored as I did watching those men guard that tomb. Perfect does not begin to touch the surface of what I witnessed this morning. Every American should see what I saw this morning in the manner I saw it (if physical ability presents). Every singleone of us should walk here, no tram or tour, just the breeze, the trees, a few birds, foot-clicks, the presentation of arms, and a guard's voice upon due diligence. For Christ's sake, I befriended to older french ladies on the walk back...every American...every American.
Welcome to D.C. The Pentagon was incredible this evening. Funny, I just realized I've spent my who life surrounded by man-made marvels...the Panama Canal, Kennedy Space Center, Disney World, Mission Control - Houston but nothing was so inpsiring as D.C. on the flight in. I strangely felt at home in this new alien world. Foreign but at the same time I have always belonged. Is this destiny or just another travel trip in my life? Since the beginning of this journey last Thursday, I have spent a fair amount of time traveling, mostly via airplane. I close my eyes in Houston, open them in Chicago or Philly or Orlando, etc. In the blind of an eye, my known universe transforms into something new and fresh. On this trip, strangely the most constant of all the variables is people. I will take quite a few lessons away from this expedition across the eastern seaboard. Primarily, my influence on people can have drastic and awesomely remarkable effects. Simple smiles or brief, friendly southern conversation, goes a lot further in this world than I ever imagined. From interesting conversation with the 'competition' during med school interviews to James the parking shuttle guy at George Bush airport, to the mom of a future nursing student, I have just had a profound experience. An experience I wouldn't trade for the world. I am on the eve of a life long dream. Tomorrow, I will see the Mall, the memorials, the Smithsonian, the Capitol, the White House...tomorrow I will see Washington. This will be a very personal experience, so I am quite thankful I will do it alone. Not that I am necessarily a private person but rather that somethings in life should be walked alone. My life is about to change. A journey to becoming a physician. A journey close to my heart. Right now, however, I sit here in the lobby / student center and watch and listen. The room is still quite alive although midnight has just struck. I am endowed in the memories of undergrad life. The intensity of youth, the random conversations, text books, and research material. I am the Sargassum fish among the Sargassum...invisible yet watching.* Cheers.*Sargassum grass is a seaweed in which one of nature's wonders find refuge. I used to find the fish while surfing by lifting the free floating plant out of the water...unfortunately and fortunately for the fish...it stays behind. I know, I know it is a little cruel, but I always make sure the fish finds it way back to the plant before I paddle off.
-02 Feb 06-
The Mall. On this bench next to the Vietnam Memorial to my back the Lincoln Memorial, through the naked trees rests Washington's Monument and behind it sits the Capitol building, my eyes have struggled to not tear on so many occasions today...I have lost count. Patriotism is prevalent, not in action but rather in a lack there of. People seem to step softer, talk quieter, because on this swamp, rests the ideals and freedom of not one person, not one people, not one country, but more, mankind. We, Americans have been blessed with a gift to protect not only ourselves but also those who struggle under tryanny, repression, and slavery.
-05 Feb 06-
This morning I packed my two bags and stepped downstairs. Looking to depart on a walk to the train, I found myself greeting by my friend Jennifer, a 3rd year med student and new friend. She would take me to Arlington in lieu of me taking the train. I was gracious and finished a quick note to the occupants of the house I stayed at (a 5 minute walk to Georgetown). At my request, Jen dropped me off at Arlington Cemetery. The day was overcast, average temperature for a Washington, D.C. morning, and teh air was fighting back the humidity of a late night rain and morning dew. After cross-strapping the two carry-on bags over my shoulder. I walked to the cemetery. My field jacket came in quite useful on this walk and for most of my trip to D.C.; its presence was a the result of Boy Scout training and experience...ok, ok mostly just common sense. Without the jacket, my trip would have been quite cold and maybe shorter. The graves were impressive. I looked upon them as I would a starfield...so many questions, so much hope, so much respect. On my way to the Tomb of the Unknown Solder, my prime objective, I visited JFK's grave site. His famous speech engraved across from the grave caught my eye. I was reminded yet again of politics even amongst these soldiers, men of men. I continued my quiet meander. Alas, the structure was right ahead, which was a good thing considering the weight of the packs and time / distance devoted to this endeavor. Foot clicks have never shook my soul so vigorously s they did during the next hour. These men were amazing. Few times have I felt so proud and honored as I did watching those men guard that tomb. Perfect does not begin to touch the surface of what I witnessed this morning. Every American should see what I saw this morning in the manner I saw it (if physical ability presents). Every singleone of us should walk here, no tram or tour, just the breeze, the trees, a few birds, foot-clicks, the presentation of arms, and a guard's voice upon due diligence. For Christ's sake, I befriended to older french ladies on the walk back...every American...every American.
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