I Just Want To Be A Doctor.

I Just Want To Be A Doctor.

When standing face to face with a demon many thoughts may surface once you get over the whole shock and awe factor. I found my Achilles heel thus far on my journey through the world of medicine. Apparently, biochemistry takes the helm of this demon’s ship. Undoubtedly, another beast will replace this sinister creature, but for the time being biochemistry will do. After just barely passing the first exam as did most of the class, I stood there face to face with this vile gatekeeper. In all its wicked breath, it haunted me through the winter break, through January, and into February. Over a slow course consuming the last two weeks, the beast lies still, slain at its throat. Unfortunately, this story does not hold true for many of my fellows. The beast won many times over, a sad fact of the matter. I’m left with distasteful thought. At times when I can reason no rationale behind some of the necessary conquests on the horizon of a medical student or resident, a few thoughts come to mind. Most presiding of which remains to be: “I just want to be a doctor.”

I just want to be a doctor. At three A.M. with my notes and flash cards spread out all over my desk and highlighters gone wild, I just want to be a doctor. Spending an entire day in the same lecture hall listening to lecturer after lecturer speed through their bit, I just want to be a doctor. With my arms shoulder deep in somebody’s bowels, I just want to be a doctor. At eight in the morning running off of 5 hours or less of sleep for the sixth day in a row, I just want to be a doctor. As I slowly accrue more debt than I care to admit, I just want to be a doctor. While I put my life in a holding patter at 10,000 feet, I just want to be a doctor. Watching my friends, at times, struggle right along side of me, I just want to be a doctor. Damn it you wretched demon, don’t you get it…it’s going to tell a hell of a lot more to get me to even budge.

I’ll leave this commentary with one final thought. Why is it that we allow some of America’s brightest and finest students to walk such a gauntlet? These souls live so that they may make the lives of others at least just a little better, so why is that we try to bury them along the way? I just want to be a doctor.